Stupid universe.

Stupid universe. Thanks a whole lot for granting me my wish. (*eyeroll*) Yeah, you really did me a HUGE favour by sending me a seemingly sweet, blonde, available, chemist who plans on going to Ghana to work with children for a month. You reallllly did it this time. Thanks for sending me a well kept number who actually called and wants to call again. When I said all I needed was to meet someone better...I thought I meant it. Didn't you know better? Ugh. I hate you.

Don't you know anything? Never EVER give me what I want! Because now I don't know what I want and that's really fucked up. And why are you giving me what I want now, you sure havn't done it before, and I was comfortable with that. Even though I'm pretty sure it's nothing it's driving me crazy and I'm already planning on how horrible it will be to break things off with what seems to be a sweet, smart and cute one. I know I would regret it too. And how fucked up is it that you did this on VALENTINES DAY? Oh you really should give yourself a cookie.

Getting what you want means you have to follow through on your word. On my word. It means now that I have to decide if I'm ready to invest more than just time in a person I don't really know that well. Well. I always said this would be good, this is what I wanted and now you're basically forcing me to face facts. Am I ready to totally give up? I thought I had. I thought I had for a very long time.

I hate meeting people in bars. It's the least ideal situation I can possibly imagine. But he wasn't drunk, neither was I and we had legit conversation. I actually gave out a real number this time. I don't know why! I never do! I didn't expect a phone call but there it was, in a bathroom for crying out loud. Upset. I am upset. I am the only girl who would be.

Look. I know this isn't a big deal. It sure as hell isn't serious. It isn't anything. But, now I have to face the fact that someone might actually call one day (someone I secretly wanted to call) and I have to decide if I want to drag myself through another mess when I'm pretty sure I'm still slightly disheveled.

I am afraid.