This is me and where I am

Dog driving a truck. Only in H town. Can't wait to never see stuff like this ever.

Happy with my tea and big sweater.

Abbee is all kinds of colourful. And I'm all kinds of growls.

I tried to time my jump with the flash. FAIL.

Abbee is most def not fail. I was pissed.

The bro and I, too cool for school. Check the leather threads.

It's not all so toxic sometimes.

We found a hole! I thought maybe snakes would be in it. But secretly I thought fo the Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole. Nothing but dirt in the end.

Homage to the Palmer.

I will miss this one day.

The Fernandes blings 1, 3, and 5 went for a spur of the moment walk down the local nature trial. Number 5 was hoping to see some "wildlife." Sad to say the wildest thing we saw wasn't even alive but a dead snake on the road, all dry and flat. Number 3 was all about taking artistic pictures of the myspace variety. Number 1, yours truly, was just hoping to take advantage of the nice weather before winter comes and my mood goes south for the winter. My head is all kinds of confused. Assignments are coming, work is all over the place with planning and things just come up outta no where. My head is slightly spinning. I'm wondering why it's been days since I've talked to friends and where the weeks are going. Walks like this ground me, keep me happy and breathing. When the leaves change is my favourite part of the year and I'm just sorry it's so short. But soon I'll be planning my trip to Toronto! And soon after that I'll be going to Jamaica! I get to be a flower girl in a wedding! lol This is so good and necessary because I can't stand the winter. The cold gets me down.
Tomorrow morning I am going to work to do yoga with all the mommies and their babies lol. The instructor invited me to join in so why not?
Oh! I chose a new career path. before I settle down in life I will manage tours for bands. I'll probably sell merch to start and learn the ropes and work my way up. I love bus trips to competitions. Travelling on the road is my favourite part. I want to meet people and see things and hear music everynight. Everynight! I know it's not easy but I'd be willing to try. Needless to say no one will take me seriously. Seriously, you live in a town where dogs drive pick up trucks and I seem crazy?? Seriously???

I found a new song to be obsessed with. It's called Bruises by Chairlift. Slightly emo lyrics but the beat is addicting.

Sidenote: Planet Terror is a good movie if you like blood exploding everywhere. I loved it. It was like a classic zombie movie but ten times better because Rose McGowan has a machine gun for a leg and I'm pretty sure it's comedic genius.

I have to go to bed though. Sweet dreams kids.

Much golden autumn love

Ampersand

My mother thinks I'm on drugs. She's asking my friends about me, claiming I'm not myself. Then she finally asked me in seriousness. I laughed and said, "I wish. Maybe then things would be more interesting." Apparently it wasn't time to make a joke. So I asked why and she said there was nothing else to explain the silent treatments, mood swings and sleepiness. Yes, there is. It's called being an overworked, overstressed, 21-year old girl who is trying to figure out how to not end up stuck in this town forever and stay sane. And, apparently a man would fix all this. According to mom everyone has someone and we are all incapable of being happy without another half. Yes, yes, people in love are so happy, so very disgustingly happy. But I am whole! Aren't I glad that I don't have one more thing to drive me crazy while I'm busy saving up to run away and earn some kind of degree? Yes, yes I am. I am just as capable of being happy right now without someone needing my constant attention. Amanda can explain it better than I can:

And I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand (&). And even if I went with you, I'm not the girl you think I am. And I'm not gonna match you, 'cause I'll lose my voice completely. No, I'm just gonna watch you, 'cause I'm not the one that's crazy. - AFP

Amanda is in love and she's 30. So much time! Time is what I do have! I am not pleading girl power here. I am pleading for the world to lay off while I try and figure out who I am. I am too busy falling in love with pieces of the world. If I don't focus on myself no one else will. And, if one day I am lucky enough to stop getting punched in the face by my own idiocy and go where I swore I would never go again, MAYBE THEN. But let's face it, no one deserves to faceplant into pavement e.v.e.r.y.time. So yes, mom I'm happy. I'm really happy getting good grades and getting promotions and working and having friends and not having to be checked up on, and not fighting with someone and crying all night and for not worrying about hurting someone when I leave.

Pretty sure I've already said this. I'm a broken record tonight. Blame it on the cold medicine. My head feels about the size of a hot air balloon. I should have gone to bed hours ago but I even procrastinate about that!

Sidenote: Greys was so good. Lexi was my hero. That took balls. Saying what you want, even if it means losing out. She put herself first. That is so fucking hard.

This JUST Happened

Actual conversation that took place five seconds ago:

Brother (he's 11): Do you ever have dreams about Amanda Palmer?

Me: Yes....

Brother: What do you dream about her?

Me: Oh...we just talk and hangout mostly. We sing and stuff.

Brother: WHAT? Thats not a dream! I dream that I'm being chased by killer bees and then they start sword fighting with pirates and they all fly planes and the planes fight with bombs and machine guns. And then monkeys climb my wall!!! And I just sit in the middle of it all and scream like a girl! And once I dreamed these dinosaurs were golfing and they ate me!!! But the weirdest one was about the mole people who lived underneath humans...and their king was gay. Wait, no once there was this team of cavemen hockey players.....

Me: ........ARE YOU KIDDING?

Brother: NO REALLY!

I'd write more but I'mm laughing so hard that even typing is difficult.

Much killer bee, dinosaur golf-playing-homosexual mole king love

lmao

A thanksgiving prayer

God bless Grandma and vino and California Maki. God bless trains for taking us far away and concerts for making us believe we will be rockstars. I am thankful for makeup and hair dye, the players and the game. I am thankful for vocal warmups and open concept architecture. God bless the black hearts of the administration at the university of Windsor for moving exams until the 22 of Dec even though technically we only lost 3 days of class. I am thankful for Crown Royal for making me believe I am a princess, and for vino for making me brave. I am thankful for playing dressup in my room while dancing to Euro pop. Thank god for my corset and stockings and the boys who want to borrow them. God bless gay men who will pretend to take us engagement ring shopping and create fake wedding registries. God bless all the bikers I've ever almost hit on the road, especially Riverside Drive, because they all must have a death wish. God bless all us golden hearted girls who know that being a bitch is truly a crafted talent that takes years of practice to perfect, especially because it's all an act. I am thankful for sunglasses. Hangovers have never looked so sexy. God bless the few who keep me sane enough to deal with the rest of them.

Amen.

Familiar Recklessness

I am procrastinating and eating nutella from the jar. I am trying to shake this lethargy. Of the past 24 hours I have slept away half of them. The fall is making me sleepy. I'm beginning to hibernate in blankets and movies, warm drinks, and sappy books. Work has slowed now that things are up and running, it's comfortable. School starts Tuesday and I'm only thankful that I can go back to my routine of breakfast with Beth, lunch with Lisa. I can only sum up the past few weeks with a line from a Killer's song, "Lazy days help me through the hopeless haze," and one from Regina Spektor, "Some days aren't yours at all, they come and go as if they're someone else's days." But, despite my sleepy disposition the past few days have been memorable. I spent lengthy time with best friends. It was as if the universe was apologizing for the tease of vacation. A vacation that could end at any time isn't really relaxing, especially when you don't know what consequence it brings. So, the universe was apologizing and slowed down work, fed me lots of sushi and caesars, let me go out on Friday, allowed me to survive through Clubhouse kids and Art Attack classes, and brought on perfect sweater weather. And now it's Sunday, my day for rest and supposedly school work. Mind you I'm still going to work tonight and skating. But, a few hours of an empty house is all the weekend lazy-ness I need. Anymore and I'm liable to go slightly crazy.

I wish I was travelling through the U.K. freely with no obligations and one of my friends. Oh god we'd have so much fun bashing through London. No time limits, no responsibilities, just days of brand new adventuers and nights of familiar recklessness.

I've been exercising my imagination again. Lots of sleep does that for me.

Much reckless love