July skies, fire flies

I meant to write this a long time ago.

Last week I went for a walk for about an hour. I was feeling pretty low. In comparison to last summer...well there is no comparison. I have two good friends left in this town. And thank god for them or I would be lost. My job is good but the staff has changed and my work friends are gone. They all leave the messes for me and I end up volunteering. I don't care. I'd do almost anything to make sure camp runs smoothly but I don't like being taken advantage of. I have yet to have a bon fire or camp out. I miss so many people that have left. And so I have found a safe hiding place out in the open at night. I walk from one side of town to the other listening to music and paying attention to everything except for the people. I have to admit living in the middle of nowhere has some redeeming qualities and that's why I got out at night, to find the things that make staying here somewhat worthwhile for now. There is this spot on the outskirts of town, towards the lake, where the oldest cemeteries are found and the closest apple orchards begin. Right there where the road bends you can stand and look out over a soy bean field and see hundreds of fire flies, like moving flickering stars. Directly above was the moon, whole and circled in blue. I wanted to stay longer but the bugs were biting so I created this mental picture instead.

Tonight some friends return. Next weekend I go and see the street performances at the river. Two weeks later and I'm off to Toronto for the glorious punk cabaret. I'm staying optomistic kids. Summer's not over yet.

"But, you are my love the astronaut, flying in the face of science. I will gladly stay an afterthought. Just bring back some nice reminders."

I am coming Ms. Palmer. And vacation is coming to me!

Oh and I almsot forgot! In university I used to have all kids of dreams about tornados when I was stressed. Last night I had my first tornado dream in probably a year. It was the biggest one yet, an F5 for sure. And no matter how hard I tried I couldn't run. I hope it's a symbol of the past rather than the future. :-)

Much love kids

Happy camper

I am so tired. I fell asleep on my keyboard. I have 65 daycamp kids. For the most part they are wonderful. The new ones and the regulars. If it weren't for them I'd be totally loosing it. I'm pulling ten hour days on average.

I understand that its strange and awkward working with someone who is supposed to be your supervisor who is also your peer. But every comment does not need to be an attack. Not every minor incident is the end of the world. Breathe, relax, the kids are smiling. Parents are happy. The world still spins for all we know. We're all learning together. Why does it have to be difficult? Life isn't as hard as you make it out to be. In short, we as a group need to work on communication. Or maybe manners. Maybe it's the same thing.

And despite the stress I still have the best job in the world. When you have a genuine conversation with a kid who is going through a tough time and they tell you how much they like camp it makes it worth it. When you are hugged and thanked and you hears screams of, "I don't want to go home!" Then you know there is something worthwhile left for you to do everyday and though small, it matters.

But now I'm bored and still tired and no one is here. I don't feel like watching a movie alone... I don't feel like doing much of anything alone.