Of 3s and performing and tattoos

3 assignments in 3 days. Approximately 3 hours of sleep a night. 3 inches of snow and 4 times the car ride. 3 days of class BUT 4 without. The universe is a place of balance I tell you.
Things feel good. Things are still cold and icy but good and sparkly at the same time. I looked at the Ambassador bridge today and almost thought it was pretty. Alright. It kinda was. Like I said, things are busy and if I'm not careful I stay up too late and start the day off cranky and rushed. Good things are happening in spite of the chaos. My research project was looking like a nightmare. I'm basically working in a classroom where a teacher doesn't believe in using drama in the classroom. Even though it's part of the curriculum. Anyways, I've changed my research question so it will work out, it's so much easier for me now. I'm making slim monies right now but having nice long weekends and I'm enjoying it. Fuck the everyday, constant, busy, no sleep crap. Been there, done that. It gets you nowhere but old and fast. Half a busy week works for me.

Today we gave a group performance in improv two. I have the biggest love/hate relationship with this class. The deadlines are quick, detailed, challenging and seemingly impossible at first impression. But, something has to be said for the fact that the individual assignments each group was given turned out beautifully. Everyone had the most elaborate set, props and tech that I've ever seen in six minute works in progress. And in the end the prof gave us a ton of credit, saying she was privileged to work with our class. It still would have been nice to develop the piece further rather than rush a script in less than week. I played an uninhibited crack whore, naturally. Can't imagine a day when I don't get to perform in some capacity on a regular basis. I have yet to find adrenaline and satisfaction in quite the same way anywhere else.

I got a new tattoo. An ampersand under my bottom lip (&). She's pretty and reminds me that I've lost my mind but more importantly, that I ain't no Juliet.

The bride

In progress

I hate winter

It's freezing outside. Arctic freezing. My hands turned black walking to class the other day because I forgot my mittens. It was scary. A good reason to hate winter. Another good reason to hate winter is that everything is slippery. I was running into the drama building and yelling about how I had to pee and fell flat on my face in front of my improv class. Which didn't embarrass me at all, I had a good long laugh, but damn my knees hurt after. My boots are slippery but it's better than getting wet feet in sneakers. I refuse to wear heavy boots. Too uncomfortable and hot.
School can only be described as fine this semester. Improv, history of the English language, theatre for young audiences, theatre history and directed studies in dred. I'm actually really lucky. I have genuine interest in each class. But the work, the work she kills. I cut back on working for money hardcore, signed up for more classes instead, but I'm only on campus 3 days a week. The rest of the time I do homework. But, I've also started painting. I have less money but slightly more insanity. That was supposed to say sanity. Freudian slip I guess. That's so bizarre. I need to think about what that means. Anyways, it looks like the majority of assignments will be done with in the next month.
I need to book another concert soon. There are 2 I'm considering. Great Big Sea and Matt and Kim. Both are in the same week. That would be so awesome. But it's also the same week as March break day camp. I've pulled off some pretty crazy and desperate trips for the sake of music before so it's not a huge deal. The sake of music is also the sake of sanity so the insanity is completely necessary.
Let's see, what else is new, I got a haircut today, one of my best friends is home from Australia after a year and I can't wait to see her, I have a skating competition this weekend, and I got drunk the other night doing homework. I found out the devil is alive and well embodied in Ann Coulter, there is a national day for velocaraptors and I picked a wedding song should I ever decide to. It's called Fairytale of New York. if I ever were to get married I think I'd hire a celtic band instead of a dj. That would be the greatest wedding ever. I miss Patrick O'Ryans. There, I think I'm caught up with randomness.

My brother the poet

if you want to see santa again come to the dock with all the money in the world and if you dont, we will burn down the white house and the pentagon with elves and the president inside. WWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH... ..and cut off his balls.



....


Quinten strikes again.
Word for word.
A ransom letter.
An assignment he wrote for school.
I've been told it's my fault.
Please, tell me, how the fresh hell did I suggest my brother should castrate Santa?

I hope you liked that.

2+0+0+9=11

If you add up the numbers of the new year you get 11. Isn't that a lucky number? I think so? I know that at 11:11 you are supposed to make a wish. I always do. Wishing on the new year seems appropriate. 2008 was a terrible year for so many people I know. And for me, I relate. BUT, in ways it was one of the best years too. In many ways, I don't know what to make of it at all. Sometimes I want to forget it ever happened. When all is said and done, I think I learned a lot. I experienced a lot, and am better all around for it. I'm glad it's over. I don't think I've ever had such emotional turmoil within a twelve month time span. So, let's recap. Here are some of the low points from the year:

The Lows:
- one of my best friends left for Australia and I miss her terribly
- The university decided to take away my loan right before Christmas and I had to surrender money I had saved for almost a whole year
- I was backstabbed, betrayed and emotionally broken by someone I thought I trusted, who I thought was different, better. Now I don't know if I can ever trust anyone like that again even though we're still friends.
- I learned to never make myself vulnerable again.
- This summer was one of the worst ever. Mostly work and no play. Stress, headache and very little adventure.
- One of my best friends lost her mom. I can't imagine what she went through. It put a lot in perspective. Good and bad.

The Highs:
- I got a promotion at work, I got a second new job and have been working really hard
- First semester I got all As
- Four Amanda/Dresden Dolls concerts which effectively changed my outlook on life
- I found new music. This is always major
- I learned how to play the ukulele
- I went to BC and found the mountains and fresh air
- I danced in public and met strangers who became friends

Mainly I learned there are many kinds of love. It's messy, it's complicated, it's always in flux. Lines between love and hate are thin, and often the reasons we love people are the same reasons we hate them. It's not easy, it isn't fun and it hurts. It's uncontollable even when unwanted. There are no rules. People can consistently treat you horribly, ignore you, make you feel like dirt and we can consistently put our hearts through hell for them. I can't help people if they won't let me. It's exhausting giving 100 when you're barely getting 50. This is now in the past. The majority of hurt has callused. People always tell me I should turn my back on the situation completely. It's not an option. I don't turn my back. It's a good reminder none the less.

A lot can change in a year. I still have faith that things will work out if you believe it, if you make good things happen. You are miserable if you choose to be, if you refuse to realize that life is short and we deserve a balance of work and play. I have no more time for people who are satisified looking for attention for being miserable and refuse to talk about it. What they are looking for can only be found by themselves.

So here is my wish, outloud because I'm not going to be superstious and hopefully make it all happen by myself. In the next twelve months I wish to travel and see things, and do everything I can to make myself feel good inside and out. That's all. And if at the end I feel heartbroken again and learn for it, it's okay because I know it will probably be for the best. We never stop learning. One more summer of camp is left, this time I know what to expect. I'll be done school come December and start more adventures in places away from here.

Happy New Year
Happy Fresh Start