Taught

http://www.youtube.com/user/amandapalmer?blend=2&ob=4#p/u/16/0W25uK-TETU

I still owe this girl a lot.
I hope she can forgive me for doubting her.
I could probably be comfortable if I had to walk through times square naked and it's a freedom I was taught, not born with.

And another for good measure,

http://www.youtube.com/user/amandapalmer?blend=2&ob=4#p/u/13/k73IQ9fXah8

I am so excited for this year to get started.

I'm going to part of a show, a deep show, a heavy show about kids with disabilities in an institution. Whether I'm acting, in production, large part or small I'm not sure yet. But I don't care. You can't buy the kind of community feeling that comes from production. I can't wait to get some of that back. It's been years. And it has meaning for young people. I am so fucking stoked about this show right now. It only took me five years to get to this point and finally want to be a part of something at school. Better late than never.

Dear 2010,
I don't have an official resolution but things seem to be slowly working in my favour, so I promise:
To wear pants as little as possible.
Keep a healthy amount of scandal at arm's length.
Be good to my sisters.
Learn one more song on my uke baby.
Become a professional pin up girl ;)
And talk to more strangers.

<3

WTF VIBRATOR COMMERCIAL!

My sister is getting married next fall. She's been engaged for a week. In a terrible effort to convince myself that this is not a sign of us growing up I have regressed ever so slightly. Isn't 21 and getting married stranger than 22 and not? 22 and not done school, 22 and not sure what career is right, 22 and planning the next tattoo rather than china pattern.
Abbbee is 18. She votes for tattoo. 2 vs. lots. That's the only convincing I need.

So let's be young. Well, young-er, (young-is)h and make lists of the things we love most in the world. Things we love because we don't have to think about houses and marriage and kids and mini vans and little league. Abbee is going to help me. Consider this my tribute to starting the new year off by reminding myeslf of what makes me the best version of myself.

She'll ask the questions or give me a topic and I'll just be honest.

First, general things we are thankful for:
Loose tea leaves, coffee at midnight, our puppy, antique medical instruments, girls in red lipstick, movies about superheros (mostly batman movies), waking up to snow, full moons, singing Meatloaf, sushi dinners.

We both actually just agreed together that we love magic. We were raised in a house that encouraged believing in things that no one else did. I don't know how to describe the kind of magic we're talking about. It's like...when you feel an emotion so strong you feel like it's the strongest extreme of that feeling you've ever had and it's a little surreal. That surreal feeling in the moment, like seeing something that makes you stop breathing for a second, like smelling something you remember from a dream. It's deja vu. The small and few times you think that the universe has a plan and god is at work and maybe humans are more than accidents floating around. It's like....seeing your favourite band in the front row and getting your mind blown.

Next year I want more time outside. I miss BC and the mountains and the trees as wide as houses. I want Abbee to be here for the summer. I want to have just as much fun in Chicago, and if possible, more.

If I could give anyone a little advice for a happier year it would be, take more bubble baths. Listen to more music before bed. Write. About anything. Eat more fruit and choclolate, together. Fall in love with yourself. Know that all inspiration is just stolen, art is a combination of other people's ideas and don't be afraid to take from everywhere and everything. See some live art (music, theatre). Travel, but don't spend money. Talk to strangers. Eat weird food.
Do whatever you want.

OMG THERE IS A COMMERCIAL FOR A VIBRATOR ON TV RIGHT NOW. wtf.

anyways

In short and in closing, I just want to once again point out how happy I am that I don't have to plan a wedding. The next major event I get to plan is a road trip to Toronto to see a girl about a tattoo. No invitations to design, no money to burn on a white circus tent, just tea and concerts and game boards and weird food.

Here comes the insomnia. Bring on the herbal tea and honey.

Far

So,

I know I'm a tough broad who doesn't need shit from nobody but I am all over the place.
I miss my best friend. He's gone, living it up on the other side of the world for 12 days and it's really making me more pathetic by the second. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to admit it.
It's just that at least 3 times a day for the past three days I have had to stop myself from picking up my cell and texting him about some current event, something from my own day or just something stupid funny that I would usually tell him. I've considered making a list of everything or storing all the internet links I want to share in some kind of file for the next week but it's slightly over the top.
I had another very close friend who lived in Australia for a year and that was very difficult. I think it's the idea of them being so far that if anything were to happen I don't know what I would do. It's a feeling of helplessness. And the absolutely stupid thing is that while they are away they are having a fantastic time and I am worrying about nothing. But, at the same time he's all alone and I knew my other friend had a network of friends she trusted and seemed like total sweethearts to take care of her. He adores strangers. I love that he loves talking to just about anyone but it also scares the shit out of me a little bit.
It's a selfish kind of fear too that makes me jealous of all the new friends they make. I hope this is pyschotically normal. Being jealous makes me feel like a crazy person. At the same time I want them to make the most out of life and take whatever opportunity possible, whether it includes me or not.

To keep myself busy the meantime I have to throw myself into work and learn how to make peanut butter filled cupcakes...