The Call

I just biked for over an hour to the river motherfuckers. I could have stayed home and did the ab lounge in Abbees room but this was much more rewarding. Physical activity is much more fun when there's a reward at the end. It was nice outisde and I stood on the bridge and stared down at the river, framed by willow trees. I was probably 40 ft above the water. I love it. I saw butterflies on the trail and a lot of horse poop too. I rode behind the the barrel factory and smelled all the old musty woody containers that reek of red wine. Yum. I got a lot of thinking done. Thinking about hypothetical futures, where I'll be in five, ten years, where people in my life will be, who I'll lose, who might try to keep me around. Absolutely no definite answers were found. I think I came up with 4 possible life outcomes today. It's like a game I play. I try to imagine a different city, a different house/living space, a different job, different friends and lovers, each one unique and lovely to the point of heartbreak. I just can't decide which one I want the most! Maybe my problem is that I have too many dreams lol. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll come up with more. Today I went between Nottingham England, New York, Montreal, and a slightly random excursion to Spain. Each one different. Each one the same. All filled with love and art and antiques lol.

Today my mother said she wonders when I will grow up and be an adult. This was after I mentioned something about music and public art, and a practical joke. I asked her define adult and she shook her head. I said is that someone who has no fun? Who only worries and has responsibilities and believes their life is over? I told her adulthood is what you make it. More angry grunts. I should never open my mouth.

School is still out. Tomorrow I will try to catch up. But for right now I will drink my new found concoction of orange green tea with a little bit of all natural fruit juice. Yum x2.

Go listen to The Call by Regina Spektor. I cry, I ache, I pine. It makes me feel like I'm up to my eyes in potential goodbyes just waiting to happen in the next 2 years. I'm drowning in the need to make the most of people before they leave and I forget things about them. Things that I love about them that mkae them a crucial part of my life that will feel broken when they leave. I will write a letter to everyone who leaves about what makes them special in the world. Then we both won't ever forget. It's just such a pretty song it makes me so happy and sad at the same time <3

I think today I am full of love. It's been a while.
Much tea with juice filled LOVE