I think I'm developing social anxiety. Being around people in general today has been one of the most awkward and stressful things. I don't I'm used to being around this many people I don't choose to see on a regular basis in far too long. I'm sitting alone in the drama lounge, surrounded by people in groups. Drama students in general are exhausting. I get along well with very few. They have this endless energy that makes them capable of suffocating you with their constant insincere wit and dry humor. Right now two girls are literally running around the building (it's an open concept design) floor to floor, in masks and yelling in Italian accents as commedia del arte characters. Funny? Yes, but this is everyday and it can be exhausting. The egos around here are so big they should have to register seperately. They take up enough space. Everytime I try to find space at the end of the couch someone has no problem sitting close enough to touch. You do not own personal space in a drama lounge. Touching strangers is probably part of the art. Someone just said, "we feed off eachother." This is true, they're eating my persoanl space. And yes, I am writing this surrounded still. If only they knew. God help me I love drama and art but people exhaust me. And if I want to work in the field, these are my collegues. I am scared. Maybe i just need to suck it up and stop being such a bitch. But for reals, a girl walked right up to me today, introduced herself, and told me she would remember me for the future. Aw, you cute bright eyed art students, one day you will adopt my cynicism. I'm sorry for that. I get the feeling people think I'm either a snob, bitch, or recluse. It's not the case. I'm just socially awkward with new people until I figure out if they're as crazy as me.
People are starting to leave and my anxiety is decreasing. But I still have an hour and a half before class and no one to talk to. I'm watching music videos without sound cause I forgot my headphones. This is tragic. I wish I had a reading or an assignment or something to make me look busy and unapproachable.
On a positive, productive note I have already decided my topic for directed studies. I might be the only one. It's an obvious choice for me and I'm lucky enough to have a ready made support system for studying drama in ESL. Not to mention a year's experience. Holla. This may be succesful.
I'm practically alone now. Bitches ain't shit. Almost relaxed. I envy people who can sleep in public. I'd be out like a light fo sho.
Oh god, the guy across the room just said he has a rapier. Mental note: don't fuck with that guy. Thats another thing. Drama students are scary because they are slightly crazy and usually own combat weapons for stage. You have been warned.
Back to boredom and more vids. I'm so tired and class is three hours long tonight.
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1 comment:
It's strange because I read all september blogs and suddenly time stopped for me. Then when I finished I looked at the time and only 5 minutes had gone by.
Dont look at me as a stalker, because I'm not, just interested in other people's lives because mine is boring as of now. I need a connection, because the people surrounding me are very superficial or just rascist.
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