Carpe the shit out of that diem

Wednesday I had my first full day of babysitting. There is something about this place that I like very much. The kids are great, mostly well behaved. The oldest can be a handful. I get the feeling he's testing me out, seeing what he can get away with. It would be easier to discipline if I didn't think mom or dad could hear me in the next room. The little guy has a tendency to say, "Die, die, why won't you die?" Which I guess he picked up from Madagascar. He likes to wrestle and has a tendency to throw a little punch at me when no one's looking. I give him a stern look and tell him that's not nice and he tries to get away with a cute smile. lol Nice try buddy, that does not work with me. When I was 16 I once babysat a little boy who would literally beat me with closed fists until I was bruised. he had the other kids sit on me and pin me down while he let me have it. That job didn't last long thank god. I'm going to bring him to play with my brother for some quality boy ime since I'm not versed in the playing strategies of males. He also has a tendency to call me Amanda or Frankee Amanda which I don't mind so much. It's cute. They have 4 dogs and while the boys nap in the afternoon I get to check my e mail, nap or read from the extensive library that includes many Chuck Palahniuk titles. All of which I've been meaning to read. Not to mention there are seasons of The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Arressted Development for me to watch if I choose. It's my kind of place already. They feed me oatmeal with raisins, grilled cheese sandwiches and tea. I think I'll stay. I don't know what it is about this place but it seems familiar. It could be the slight chaos of a lived-in house or the constant thumping of kids running up and down the hallway but I like it, and I hope they like me too. Unfortunately, I was coming down with a nasty head cold all day. I called in sick to work after leaving and went to bed for 7 hours. Bad idea. I was up that night from 11 30 till almost 4 am.

So now I'm recovering on a strict diet of tea, orange juice, Nyquil, Cold FX, advil and allergy medicine. I think I had well over 10 pills today. I scare myself with my pill cocktails sometimes. But I feel very little right now and it's a nice numbness.

I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight. I have the strangest love/hate relationship with that show. I love the characters and the their relationships and the stupid sappy voice overs that tie them all together in the end. It makes me wish I was dead and breaks my cold black heart. Someone on that show is always crying, or heartbroken or my personal favourite--putting on a front when they are practically dying inside. There is a strange mix of happy and sad that keeps you coming back for more. Someone dies, someone lives, someone makes up, another breaks up. All in one hour. And then for the rest of the night I go emo. I can relate almost all the characters to people in my life and the love/hate relationship I carry for them too. We're all seeking approval, putting on a front to protect ourselves from hurt, avoiding the one person we shouldn't, trying to fit in, and hiding behind our work. It makes me think I am way too cynical for my own good. Life is short. Carpe the shit out of that diem.

Cold medicine makes me loopy and emo. I'm thinking too much now. I'm going to bed.


......find someone who makes you happy and squeeze tight.



Much love