11:11

For about a week I have caught myself looking at the clock at exactly 11:11 every night straight. I'm not being overly dramatic, I just find it funny, humorous, and strange. I honestly laugh to myself every time and wish for the same damn thing because I have nothing to lose. Tonight was the first night I missed it. I looked at the clock at 12:11 instead. Fate is a tease. But so am I, right Mack? lol

Planning for camp is going really well. I figured out the mystery of spread sheets, which is actually incredibly simple and I've gone all organized and professional on myself. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that I can keep it up. I'm getting really comfortable in my position. I thought I was really going to miss the constant interaction with the kids (which I will). I guess my mentality right now is that from behind the scenes I can better control and create the environment and atmosphere of camp. Which means various nonstop overlapping and simultaneous activities. Which also means tons of takedown and set up for me. Oi, for you kids I'll do it. My one and crippling problem as of late is that I cannot spend money, especially other people's. Yes, yes a young girl with a strange spending problem, how cliche of me. But my craft list was a whopping 10 items. Luckily, my support system can spend money like water and we're balancing each other out. I also find it hysterical that my biggest problem right now is choosing between cheap gorilla and squirrel mascot costumes on Ebay. And a month ago I was stressing over school...yeah I pretty much love summer more than peppermint tea. And that says a hell of a lot.

Going through the vault I found something I wrote years ago for creative writing:

If I ever really miss you, I promise I won't call.
I'll just talk to your photos, the burned ones on the wall.
And if you should ever wonder what became of my black heart,
I tore it up in pieces, I collaged, and call it "art"
So, I don't worry about skipping beats and butterflies inside.
Life is infinitely simpler when your emotions have all died.
Let's call the friends and family, plan a funeral parade.
Come mourn the the bitter ending, respects are to be paid.
"How sad," they'll say, "To be so young. Surely it wasn't time,"
"For feeling to have decomposed. What tragedy and crime."
But there I'll be, smiling away, ignoring their foul tears,
Content to live in numbness for the remainder of the years.

Emo much? Yeeesh. I might sell this to Deathcab. I probably ripped off the essence of their songs as inspiration anyways. My rhyming skills are also a marvel lol. Although, I'm kind of fond of the collage line.

"Right now I can be happy if I choose to. I know that in the morning I will lose you."
Now there is a line I can only wish to have written. New Dresden Dolls makes the world a better place. If my cd doesn't come soon this town will burn. Or, just the post office. How I wish I was going to Rothbury to see them and the whole beautiful circus cabaret wonderland. I'd beg them to take me with them and never go home again. What a 21st birthday that would be.... I almost cried about it today. (I AM overdramatic thanks for noticing) So close and yet so far has never rang so true.

If I happen to catch the clock at 11:11 tomorrow we all know what I'll be wishing for. <3


Much love