Cleaning House

Hello insomnia and tea and lovely quiet snow. Hello moon.
Greetings from the day that has been a beautiful blur of nothing imparticular.
Today is the day of Joanna Newsom.
I woke up around 10, listened to Joanna Newsom sing like a muppet baby, took an apple bath, cleaned the house while dancing in my pjs. I did the laundry, vaccumed the floor and thought, "No matter what else is a mess, my carpet is clean." And then I laughed at myself for being in the gutter.
You see, I felt a mess because the university emailed this morning to say they had declined my application for a bursary. They said I don't qualify for financial need. I told them I have about 200 dollars in the bank. I wanted to cry but I washed the floor. Instead of calling someone about it, I bleached the toilet. I couldn't change it. But I could make myself some curried veggies and rice for lunch. I could eat that all day, rehearse my lines for the play and listen to Joanna Newsom read my mind:

And I regret, I regret

How I said to you, "honey, just open your heart"
When I've got trouble even opening a honey jar
And that right there is where we are...

And I been 'fessing double fast
Addressing questions nobody asks
I'll get this joy off of my chest at last
And I will love you 'til the noise has long since passed

Beauty.
So, I almost forgot about school and I touched base with friends who loathe the snow, I took a nap, and dreamed about skating.

For maybe the first or second time in my life I think I'm going to do the logical thing in my life. I am going to go and work abroad to make money for teachers college. I am going to pay off my debt and not worry about being rejected for bursaries. Instead of working and studying at the same time I'm going to try and work and live a little. A little different life. The dream hasn't changed but the road will be longer. In the end though, what's meant to be will find a way and everyone I need, who need me, will be waiting.
I'll miss people. But the practical answer is starring me in the face. No one is worrying about leaving me behind. I have to worry about me a little and I have to stop worrying about people who don't worry about themselves.
Thank you University of Windsor for not worrying about me. You're right, I don't need your help. I have 200 dollars in the bank and I'm going to be just fine. For now, at least my carpet is clean.
;)