This is where I am

Hello universe. December ninth has just begun and the snow is falling in sheets outside my window. It's dark but the sky is pink from the city lights trapped under the clouds.

Here I am sitting in my yellow bedroom, my own personal "heroin den." My bed is made up of two quilts made from scraps circa 1950-something and two comforters that weigh my body down at night. The more blankets, the better I sleep. I think the pressure relaxes me. I am drinking cold peppermint tea and my book of Canadian poetry is begging me to read it, ashamed that I ignored it all day with an exam on Sunday. Hanging from the ceiling are my dried roses, and a lush red one painted by Dali is just to the right. The Beatles, dancing girls, eight foot brides, Matt and Kim's bloody hands, Amanda Palmer's corpse, a sexy mime and my Nana on her wedding day are part of this gallery I have created. My half bottle of whiskey is teasing me across the room and directly beside it, a picture of my kids reminds me I have to get up before the sun to see them in the morning. But right now, I love this space. It reminds me that my coming of age is finished, thank god. This is me. Butterflies, pencil sketches, a Curious George pillow and a comforter of great pink elephants. I wish I could show you the gargoyle candle holder I made in the twelfth grade and the picture of my sister and I with the Easter bunny when we were four and three.

I love this room. Sometimes it's for me, sometimes it's for more, but not tonight. Tonight it's all for me.

The snow is turning into rain and my tea is gone. Bed time kids.

Love.