On solid ground

I moved. I packed up my things and took up with a friend on an offer to live with him in quiet, southern part of the city where war veterans settled in the 50's. It's so very Leave it to Beaver here. You half expect to see women in aprons and red lipstick vacuuming in heels through neighbors windows. People wave and there are lots of trees and its simple. It's comfortable. But there are no children. There are few. It's where the original version of suburbia went to retire. Our house is tiny and reminds me of the little house sets we had when we were very young. One set of dishes, a few groceries in the pretend fridge, a picture I drew on the wall and one table for two. I'm playing house and my pretend husband would rather be on a date with a handsome young man. I might need to stop relating everything in my life to a game I once played when I was five or I might really need to see a shrink soon.

School has started and I'm enjoying how it occupies my time. It makes me busy, it takes my mind off one million other things. It gives me purpose even when I am stressed. I feel responsible for something and obligated to something that has the feeling of importance that you don't actually care to define. It is what it is if only out of necessity for many future years. I've convinced myself that school needs me when it is actually the other way around. (Not unlike most other things). Class validates me and I am happy to feel like I have a steady footing for the time being.

Everything just feels so serious! Maybe it's the cold weather. Maybe it's because I'm working two jobs and all I can think about is saving money and it's making me practical. PRACTICAL! Of all the things I loathe, practicality has always been high on the ridiculous list. I eat breakfast, I cut on the vices, I go to bed before midnight and I dress according to the weather. But then again I did get the rib tattoo a few weeks ago. All is not lost.

The solution to this week's headache is really quite simple. I will keep eating granola and whole wheat muffins for breakfast, I will make four out of my eight coffees a day decaf, I will only smoke on weekends and I will go to every concert possible. But above all I will sleep in when I can and stay up even later the next night. I think I'm balancing. I'm walking the tightrope in a feathered fedora and sequence black tutu.

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. - Oscar Wilde

Note to self: Go an visit your sister(s). Babs is gone away and everything feels empty without her around. In a sense and way, she is one half of one of my selves. And important self that I miss too. Everything seems slightly grey-er without her. Everytime someone goes away I feel like torn paper. I rip off a chunk and let them keep it, or maybe they take it. Anyways, she has the part of the story that involves dancing in the kitchen to meatloaf :)

And in closing, in case you were wondering, after all is said and done for, I still believe in love. (After a 3 month hiatus, it's necessary to say it).

Goodnight, and get here fast.