Card Tricks

I read my tarot cards last night for fun. Not so fun after all. The rules are that you ask a yes or no question and then lay out seven cards. I wouldn't invest much if the answer weren't so specific. Long story short, all that came up was heartbreak, my disregard for the truth, history repeating itself and the request that I face reality. All right before I go on the first vacation in over a year. Are. you. kidding. me? So what did I decide to do about? Nothing. I'm happy. I'm happy even if I'm being ignorant and in some kind of bliss. Ironically enough I am aware of my inhability to face reality and consciously still choose to do it. Overall things are going well and this week a big life revelation would really throw off my balance. I need everything to be zen until I come home from Chicago. After that fabulous weekend of drinking, music and getting lost in a new city I can shake up my world as much as my little artistically suppressed heart desires.

I cut my hair. It's kind of like a mohawk. I like it. I like not having much hair more. I don't care much what it looks like. As long as it's black and easy to do I'm down.

As far as the rest of my increasingly smaller universe all is well at work, I am still crushing on Robert Smith, I won my first game of scrabble and I desperately want to go camping before the summer is out. I have this unreal dream that I will go somewhere and drink lots of beer and sleep in a tent and remain covered in dirt and comfy clothes and bug spray for a couple days. I want to smell like campfire and sunscreen and eat marshmellow sandwiches for breakfast. And stars. Mostly I just want lots and lots of stars.

Lisa says there are people who have trouble connecting with people and adapting to life on earth because they are angels and don't know it and have Bette Midler eyes. She thinks I might be one. I don't know about being an angel. I doubt my own admittance to heaven from now and then. I think if there are angels they are sadly out of place and restless in a place where people are more worried about what store name is printed across their shirt than making the everyday world an exciting and beautiful place full of colour and love. I want to paint my house purple. I want to have a house full of rusty antiques, christmas lights, victrolas, books and stained glass windows. I want a garden of weeds and a chandelier of broken glass and beads. I want people to stop and listen to the music they hear from inside. It will be the house of flowers, both dead and alive.

Time for bed. I have children to see in the morning.

Here's to your dream house or castle or cloud.

<3