I have a confession. I didn't really get stressed out this exam season. I didn't really care. I let it pass. There was no way in hell I was going to let it really get to me. The past four years I have freaked out everytime exams came around, lost sleep, gotten sick, shed tears. All for nothing. I always ended up getting good grades but it seems that can just happen without the overwhelming debacle that is the dreaded end of semester. I suppose I just realized that I will really miss school one day. It was a few weeks ago at my roast, drinking with my classmates (something that rarely ever happens) and I became very aware of how this chapter was slowly coming to a close and soon some of these people would be teachers. My whole life I have been a student. I know no other life other than that within a school. Sure, I have my job but school has always been the driving force behind all my important choices. Maybe it's part of the reason I'm dragging my heels. Grades are my bag. I'm not perfect but most of my jollies come in the form of As. I get off on feedback and As circled in bright red. Oh, baby, oh baby.
I got all my grades back for my directed studies. It's a project I have been working on since September. I got all As. Splooge all over. Honeslty, my professor rocks. Due dates are flexible and if you can justify that you learned ANYTHING you get an A. Because really, that's what's important. Anyone can learn what a prof wants them to learn. This fucking class makes you go out there into the world and learn something important for yourself that is relevant to YOU. Which is refreshing considering all people do all their educational lives is bitch about how nothing in the curriculumn is relevant at all. So yes, score one for drama school motherfuckers.
One last thing. Today was a personal win. I had a very small but relevant moment of triumph. The last two days I have spent hours rehearsing for a 15 minute musical presentation for my theatre for young audiences class. I sang 4 songs in 15 minutes and the last one was probably one of the hardest songs I have ever performed. It takes an incredible amount of acting, humor, memorization, stamina, lung capacity and awareness. Everytime I rehearsed I would mess up this section of the song that is sung very quickly, "I sogged through a fog and a choking smog down a sloggy slope through a stinking bog while my slip was gripped by a vicous dog." (its dr. seuss) And fuck yeah I pulled it off today and it was fun and I slayed it. The minute before I stepped onstage I decided to throw every caution to the wind and have a blast. I knew the audience, I was comfortable and relaxed and it was like this one perfect moment. I want to hold onto that one for a while. I have done some really cool shit this semester. I played a pill head in a game board, I devised a piece around the Dresden Dolls and got 94%, I built a dinosaur puppet, I had placement with two amazing groups of ESL students, I took a dance class and inerviewed seniors and performed the lead in our musical exam. So fuck yeah I did a lot and now I deserve one hell of a vacation. That's right, I do.
Random worthwile sidenote: Last night I had a dream one of my best friends was a zombie bunny living in the attic of a haunted house. He changed into my friend again and we just laughed and talked about realistic things like he never had been a rabbit at all. It was weird but I love zombies and bunnies, haunted houses and it really made me laugh.
Goodnight kids.
I am so full of love it's making me sick
<3
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