I'll go anywhere you want

I am done exams. I handed in my last paper today at noon (let's not talk about how I was up till 3 am) and I'm not feeling the huge rush of relief that everyone else is gushing about. I still have to wait for all the final marks to come in and in the meantime there's the constant boredom. I realize I am probably being the most ridiculous pessimist in the world right now. But other than clean my room and work there is little to do here during the day. The last two years have driven me into a fitness mode where I take all the energy I usually put into note taking and turn it into looong walks and bike rides. I'll probably do it again. I like seeing all the green in the spring. I'm a nerd when it comes to the nature stuff, I eat it up and get all mushy about how pretty the flowers are in the smelly ditch. In a recent trip to B.C. I stood and gaped at a natural waterfall for a good ten minutes. I dragged my sister along that same nature trail multiple times in three days. I'm not the kind of girl who grew up camping, nor do I look the part of back-woods-roughing-it-kid but I can always oooh and awe over the beauty of things man did not create.... I just realized it's earth day. Honestly. Irony....ugh you cliche, you. *That's a picture of me marvelling at an overturned tree in BC. Again, much gapping was done.

And so now I face the void. Room cleaning, working, debt paying... maybe a trip to Toronto to visit the sister. Drinking? Probably. I can't even waste my time shopping cause it would just depress me. Although, I was amazed today to realize that I've never taken the time to look around the countless antique shops in my hometown. I love anything retro and old but out of a personal spite for this town I have avoided them for much too long. I don't even know what's in there. Once I clean out my winter mess I could probably find some treasure for when I move out and start decorating my own place. No, I don't have in mind per say...I'm working on it. I have no actual house, just this vision of an old, worn in, dark place with lots and lots of glass bottles, ancient furniture, random artifacts from the 20s and 30s. Lots of shelves of vinyls, fresh flowers, my own art work and mugs that never run out of tea. Run of the mill creepy-cozy.

Cooking class ran today. We made pizza. I call it zaz. I like my name better. Anyways, when I got to work to find my groceries I realized that I would have to use real pizza dough and rough it betty croker style with my pre-school class. Last time we used bagels, super easy. I couldn't find the flour at first and everyone had dough stuck to their fingers like thick, gooey spiderwebs. I swear the moms who watch me think I haven't a clue some days. (I can't blame them, it's usually true, I improv most things). Although, they always compliment me on my patience, which I admit is a talent. I understand the instant attention children believe they need. Maybe I can relate. Eventually, I found the flour and only half the dough was wasted. No major problems with the preschoolers this week. A few spilled glasses on the floor, some zaz was stuck to the pans, and I had to improvise a game to fill dead baking time but other than that they loved their pizza. My second class came in quick and this time my favourite friend came back. I don't know if he wants attention, to unload a whack of energy or to sincerely get on my nerves but he cannot stop running around the kitchen. I try to give him special jobs but it's all in vain. Finally, after he felt the need to sword fight with a broom and very nearly smack a little girl in the forehead I put his pizza in the fridge and told him to sit down while the others ate. He told me I suck. I said thanks for noticing. I might have patience to beat the band but I can get sarcastic with kids that push me. One more week. I just wish I could figure out what this kid is trying to get at. There's obviously a bigger problem. ADD? Maybe. Maybe family stuff. I don't know. Wish I did.

...something is in the kitchen. Noises can be heard. Mom said she saw a mouse the other day. I'm chalking this up to rodent................Noises have ceased for the time being. Updates to follow.

And now I need to thank a very special girl who saved my ass last night after a night of drinking (her not me). Imagine coming home from the bar and finding your friend nearly dying over a paper at 3 am because they are so tired and drained that they cannot figure out how to format their paper. Most people would laugh, say sucks to be you, maybe offer a little encouragement and turn to bed. Not this angel. She took all my references and made my works cited. I owe you my life and my sanity kid! I'm never letting you go, that's for sure. I was nearly in tears and spinning from the anxiety but once again a friend pulls through. Every time (more like everyday) I think about becoming a recluse lovely individuals remind me I can't always do it on my own, nor should I. I like being independent for the most part. I just occasionally need someone to hold my hand and tell me the world isn't going to end if my final paper worth only 15 percent misuses capital letters in titles of journals. Literally and figuratively. I can be completely ridiculous but it takes very little to calm me down.

Time for the nightly music and tea ritual. Me time. 2 am is for creative juices. I love.

"Hometown heroes fall

As years go by

Like dominoes

A dark parade

I'll go anywhere

I'll go anywhere you want

If you'll take me

I know that I don't know you very well

But you seem cool enough

I don't care where you're going

Just take me with you

This place's got nothing

That I could want"

...................Nicole Atkins, you've done it again.

(Kitchen noises have subsided, I love my ghosts)

Much love.