Amanda Palmer is alive and well

It has taken a long time for me to write about possibly the greatest three days of my life. On November 29th I saw Amanda Palmer perform in Toronto. Not my first time, my third this year. But, this show was different, better, more moving. Songs were paired with moving dance and movement peices by an acting troupe called the Danger Ensemble. Similar to the work I do at school. Interpretive, edgy, innovative, and emotional. Some peices were commentaries on aspects of society, some humorous, always interesting and dynamic. The music itself was unreal. It's just beautiful. It's the most beautiful music I've ever heard in my life. It makes me happy when I am sad. It reminds me that there is life after broken hearts, that the world is still a beautiful place when it's not, that there are people in the world who need help, maybe my help, and that art is a beautiful and a worthwhile pursuit for me in this lifetime. And then there is the woman behind the music. This talented, independent, unique, woman who encourages everyone to love themselves just the way they are. To write love on their bodies, to accept eachother and embrace, hold, help. She doesn't care what other people say or do, the only thing she follows is her heart, not people, not the expectations of others. I don't know her personally, but this is what I have seen, this is what she has inspired in me.
After the show I got a chance to walk up to her and thank her for making me feel, for the first time, that I could be exactly who I am without worrying, without caring. After 20 years of feeling like I didn't really belong anywhere I have a new perspective on lots of things. I'm happier now than ever. And this music and this woman have helped me feel this way. She held my face, she hugged me and held on. And just when I thought she was going to let go she held on tighter. I offered her a place to stay while crossing the border. She almost took me up on that offer but unfortunately had to cross the border that night. She took my name, number and address and said to watch out for future shows when she might need my help. I met Katie K, I met Steven Mitchell Wright, and this tour family is full of charming and hard working people. They took time to meet each and every person who stayed after the show. Because I offered Amanda and her crew a place to crash they offered to give me tickets to the Detroit show. The next day I emailed Steven who confirmed that this was possible.
So two days later Christopher and I left for Detroit to see Amanda again. My name wasn't on a list at the door. So he paid for me to get inside and the poor thing went back into the freezing cold to find some money. Ten minutes later I found a frazzled Katie K who recognized me and told me to go get Chris and we finally got in and enjoyed the best concert we have ever seen. Zoe Keating is an amazing musician. There were times when she played that I felt like I was floating, I almost lost my balance being completely focused on the music. We were very close to the stage, I couldn't help but feel so incredibly lucky, like I didn't deserve to relive one of the most amazing moments twice. People just don't get that everyday. I feel spoiled, I feel like I've cheated others. I only hope I deserve it. Or that I can pay this forward somehow.
I met Amanda a second time. I was so focused on getting a picture with her that I had forgotten about the night before that I awkwardly hugged her and rambled about how she shouldn't get sick and take cold fx. She remembered me from the night before whuch was more than enough. Thank god I didn't waste my first encounter. This was almost embarassing.
But all in all it was surreal, and lovely and I still can't believe it happened to me. I left feeling like I could do anything, that anything can happen if you will it and that I can be anything and anyone I want. I saw things, see things, differently and feel changed. Now that something I thought was impossible has happenend I see endless possibility. I am excited about life more now than ever.
Pictures are coming in a photo entry. It's easier that way.


I go in love. I leave you love. In this holiday season know that magic exists, and happiness. So does pain and hurt and anger. We pick our battles, we choose what emotions to hang onto, what to value and what to let go of. Look for the little happinesses and keep on keeping on. You never know what is coming for you.

<3